EDITION 26/01: Cigars against the January madness - smoke instead of „new me“

January.

The month in which everyone suddenly acts as if they slipped out of a glass motivational capsule last night as a better version of themselves. Phrases like „2026 will be MY year“ hang in the air everywhere - right next to the smell of celery juice and self-deception.

The world is cold, the days are short and your timeline consists of people voluntarily chewing oatmeal like it's a test of character. Plus those gym selfies: sweaty faces that look like they've just signed a contract with suffering.

And you?

You're sitting there. With a cigar.

With a cigar, man!

Not as an excuse. As a statement.

While others say „detox“ and look as serious as if they're about to climb Mount Everest (spoiler: they're just climbing the stairs to work), you do something that's really consistent: you set fire to your dignity. Slowly. Calmly. With that look that says, „I know what I'm doing. And I'm not going to chew on carrot sticks.“

The perfidious thing about January is: He is a bluff.

He comes in like a motivational coach, claps his hands and shouts: „EVERYTHING WILL CHANGE NOW!“ And after three weeks, he sits in a corner wrapped in a blanket with a blank look on his face and whispers: „I can't go on.“

You, on the other hand, remain stable. Because you know your New Year's resolutions: less stress, more enjoyment and basically no decisions that sound like a „challenge“.

Because let's be honest: „30 days without sugar“ - who comes up with something like that? It's not a challenge, it's a punishment with an ulterior marketing motive (because from the 31st day you top up on sugar).

And then there are these conversations in January. These terrible, unavoidable conversations.

„So, what are your goals for this year?“

Goals. As if life were a quarterly report.

You look at your cigar for a moment, take a slow drag and say inwardly: My aim is not to rush this cigar. And maybe still: not to freak out when someone says ‚clean eating‘ again while holding a rice cake in their hand like a moral badge.

Cigars are no substitute for therapy. But they do replace exactly the kind of stress that arises from too many resolutions. From too much optimisation. From this compulsion to become „better“ every day, as if you were a smartphone that urgently needs an update.

You are a human being. And in January, a person can just... be.

You don't have to „get better“. You don't have to „get up earlier“. You don't have to „change your mindset“. At most, you need to refill your lighter. Well, although: a good mindset helps against all the douchebags out there.

And in the end, something magical happens: while others try to reinvent themselves in January, you don't invent anything. You stay. You breathe. You look into the cold and pretend you're a philosopher - even if you're just wondering whether you want another piece of chocolate later.

And it looks damn confident.

You don't have a vision board. You have a cigar.

A cigar, man!

You don't fight with self-optimisation, but with aromatic serenity. You don't allow yourself to be put under pressure. You don't allow yourself to be rushed.

You smoke back quietly.

What's happening in January? Write it in the comment field below.

Picture credits

• Cover: ChatGPT: „Draw an abstract picture that represents January. Without text.“